Jack turns two.

Two years has come and gone quicker than I had imagined. I can't believe my sweet Jack is already two years old. It's very bittersweet. Something that motherhood has taught me is to cherish the time we have. There were definitely days that I wanted to pass quickly. Days that were stressful, and days that made me question my sanity. Mostly though, there were days that were full of laughter, full of joy, and full of amazement towards this special boy.

 I've been so blessed to spend this time at  homewith Jack. It has been so amazing to watch this sweet little baby grow into a sweet, caring, adventurous little boy. Jack has the most amazing personality. He is shy when you first meet him, but once he warms up, he doesn't stop talking. He loves trains, cars, lawn mowers, hot wheel cars, anything with an engine really. He is all boy. He loves Winnie the pooh, especially Tigger. Most of all, Jack is a lover of music. Really, since he was just a few weeks old he has responded to music in positive way. Some of his favorites include the beatles." Hey Jude" and "Let it Be" are two of his favorites. One day while at a small cafe "Yesterday" came on and Jack said "Let it be"!, it was adorable. Bob Marley, Dave Matthews, James Taylor, and Alison Krauss are a few of his favorites too. I mean, it's because that's what we mostly listen too, but we have to start him young, right? ;)

My life has changed immensely in the last two years. I'm so thankful for my sweet Jack man. I can't picture my life without him. Happy Birthday Jack. I love you more than you know.

Henry's birth.

*** Warning, if birth or birthlike stuff makes you uncomfortable, you may want to forego reading this. There is mention of birth related pain and bodily fluids.****

On Tuesday, May 28th, 2013, I had my 41 week prenatal appointment. The same appointment I had joked about to receptionist the week before that I would hopefully not be showing up for.  I was still very pregnant though, so to the appointment I went. It seemed like a pretty slow day in the office. Matt and I were called back right away, and my midwife, Regis, came to our room within a matter of minutes. She greeted us with a surprised exclamation.

"I can't believe you are still pregnant! I was sure something would happen this weekend. I kept checking my phone to make sure I hadn't missed you." 

Since my 39 week appointment I had been 4 centimeters dilated, so she was sure I wouldn't make it to my due date. I wanted to at least make it to 40 weeks though, I didn't mind waiting, I didn't really think I would make it to 41 weeks though, I had been having back pain and braxton hicks very regularly.

I was a little nervous for this appointment. I knew Regis' policy on induction. She wouldn't push anything on me that I wasn't comfortable with, which is a huge reason why I chose her when I was pregnant with Jack and decided to go back to her for my pregnancy with Henry as well.

As soon as she started talking, I was relieved. She was in agreement with me that waiting for spontaneous labor was the best route to take.   The only thing  was that we would have to do a fetal non stress test (NST) after my appointment, and another after my 42 week appointment if we made it that far. After she checked me for dilation {still only 4cm}, Matt and I headed over to the next room for the NST. 

I figured everything would be normal, I'm healthy, I only gained 25lbs, I'm active, and my pregnancy had been normal. Unfortunately though, things didn't come out normal on the test. I had a mild Braxton hicks contraction and immediately following that mild contraction, was a decel. The timing of the decel indicated that the placenta was having issues, and that meant that actual labor could be hard on Henry.

This was the last possible thing I wanted to hear. I burst out in tears, but I tried holding them back. Regis immediately handed me a box of kleenex, and encouraged me to let it out.

With this news,  I had a few options. I could still wait for spontaneous labor if i passed a contraction test but if my placenta was in fact deteriorating then labor could be hard on Henry, and if he wasn't able to tolerate labor, then that would mean I would have to have a c-section. My other option was to go over to the hospital and be induced that day, and that meant no water birth. Induction & water bith creates a lot issues with liability.

After talking it over, Matt and I decided that we wanted to make what we felt was the safest decision and with that we felt that induction was best. This was very bittersweet for me. I was so excited to meet Henry, and no longer be pregnant but I wanted to have a waterbirth so badly, and I didn't want to be induced because of the increased risks of interventions that come along with that, but given our situation, we felt that an induction was the better decision.

After my appointment, Matt and I went home and finished packing our hospital bags. I had packed mine and Henry's bag the week before, but I knew there were a few things I still needed to pack. As I was going around getting those last few things, I couldn't help but think "this is not how it's supposed to be." Over the previous week, well, months really, I had envisioned myself in labor, scrambling trying to get our things together. I pictured myself excited and having to pause frequently for contractions. Instead, I slowly walked through our house feeling  disappointed about how things were happening. (Which sounds so silly now, but hey, I was 41 weeks pregnant and emotionally exhausted!)

Around 2:30, we finally made it to the hospital. There, I met my first nurse Alé . I wasn't a fan of hers. Regis and I had talked in her office about not breaking my water and starting pitocin at the lowest level possible. Alé kept telling me that Regis was coming over to break my water after her office hours. She even went ahead and started preparing for it. I was so frustrated, this wasn't what we had discussed with Regis. I didn't talk very much with Alé around, I mostly kept to myself, and dealt with my frustration internally, except when I would take the occasional trip to the bathroom so I could let out my frustration and cry. Matt was a great emotional support through this. He helped me to try to stay positive even though this wasn't what I wanted. Bringing our little boy into the world healthily was the important thing. 

Before the pitocin was started my contractions were between 3-10 minutes apart, My pain tolerance is pretty high though, so I could barely feel them. Alé started the pitocin, but I started at one millaunit. The highest level of pitocin is eighteen  millaunits, so one was really nothing. After awhile she turned it up to two  millaunits, but then turned it back down to one because my body was responding so well. Looking back, I think my body was heading towards active labor on its own, and I may have gone into labor at home that night for all I know.

About 2 and a half hours after the pitocin was started, around 6pm, Regis finally came over to the hospital. She gave me several tough, but good options. Since being in the hospital on the pitocin, Henry had absolutely no decels! She said I could go home if I wanted or I could stay and see how things progressed. We ultimately decided to stay. As much as I wanted to go home and wait for spontaneous labor, I didn't want to risk Henry not being able to tolerate labor.It was a tough choice to make.

 After telling Regis what our decision was, she said that my water didnt need to be broken, and that we could wait and do as few interventions as possible, I was so grateful for this news! I was also grateful that it was time for the shift change for the nurses. Which meant it was time for Alé to leave. My new nurses name was Gail,and she had a student with her. I had put in my birth plan that students were allowed in my birth, so I was excited that there would actually be one there!

Matt and I spent the next few hours just hanging out with our birth photographer and good friend, Amanda Thompson, just waiting for labor to kick in, and slowly but surely, it did! Sometime between maybe 8-9 (could have been later, I honestly was really paying attention to the clock) my contractions started getting a little more uncomfortable. I think around 8:30-9ish Matt got up to use the rest room, while he was in there, I thought that maybe my water had started leaking, so I stood up, I realized then that it wasnt my water, but that I had lost my mucous plug, which meant my cervix was changing! I had a change of mood at this point, I was letting myself get excited for the first time that night.

Since things were progressing, we decided to go for another walk up and down the hallway, as we were halfway down the hall, I told Matt he needed to call Crystalyn, our doula. I had kept trying to text her but I kept getting interrupted by contractions. We ended up only doing one lap (maybe not even a full one), I think. The pain was getting to be more unbearable, I wanted to get into the jacuzzi tub to help ease the pain. {the jacuzzi tub can be used during labor to help manage pain, it is not the same thing as the birthing tub.} The pain had gotten so intense that waiting for the tub to fill up felt miserable.

Getting into the tub instantly brought some relief to the painful contractions. The jets against my contracting tummy, soft music in the background and the aroma of the essential oils I added to the water set the tone for me. Breathing deeply through my contractions helped get me through the pain. I was definitely in labor, but I was slightly in denial still. I had envisioned Laboring for Henry for months. It was hard to believe the time was finally here.

Each contraction seemed more intense than the last. I also started feeling kind of like I needed to push, but not quite. Earlier in the evening Regis had even mentioned that sometimes. some moms accidentally give birth in the jacuzzi tub. This may or may not have secretly been my plan if I couldn't use the birthing tub.

I think around 10:00ish Regis came in, maybe it was earlier or it even could have been later, I'm not sure. She looked tired. I was her only patient there, in fact, I was one of only three moms in labor and delivery that night. She watched me labor for awhile, and she asked me a few questions, but I don't really remember what she had asked. I think around 10:45ish She gave me some amazing news. I was still only at 2 millaunits of pitocin, and my body was in active labor. To my surprise, she said that since my body was doing the work, we could turn off the pitocin and I could have the water birth that I had so badly wanted. I couldn't believe it. I was so excited and relieved. 

Shortly after the exciting news, I got out of the jacuzzi tub and waited for the birthing tub to finish being filled. I labored on the bed for a little while, I have no idea how long. I remember my mouth starting to feel dry and asking for a Popsicle, the Popsicle was too sweet though, so I didn't eat much. This was the hardest part of my labor. The contractions were intense and waiting for the birthing tub was not fun. I was also starting to panic internally. "Can I do this? Maybe I wanted the epidural. Ouch, this hurts!" were all thoughts that went through my head, but  I knew I could do this. 

 After what felt like an eternity of waiting,it was time to go to the next room over to get in the birthing tub. As I got up from the bed I had a painful contraction and the person closest to me was Regis. I held onto her and she helped me through my contraction and helped me walk over to the next room. As we were walking over to the next room she said the most kind words to me. She said "I'm so proud of you for sticking to what you knew was right for you, you knew what you were comfortable with and I'm so glad you stuck to that." I was feeling so encouraged and blessed to have her there delivering my baby.

The atmosphere of the birthing room was perfect. the lighting was dim, everyone was calm, and i had the perfect playlist going. After getting into the room, I got on the bed that was in there and Regis broke my water. Henry was very low and in a good position and I felt comfortable having it done, especially because I kept feeling like it was going to break on its own any minute. Not long after that, I got into the birthing tub. It was 11:53, I remember this because I remember asking "Am I going to have him soon?" and someone replied saying something along the lines that I wasn't going to have the baby in the next seven minutes. (which I didn't.)

The water in the birthing tub was warm, almost too warm. Kind of like when you take a bath and its just time to get out because you almost have a hard time breathing. Thankfully, Matt and my doula Crystalyn provided cold wash cloths to help counteract the warmth. The contrast of warm and cold really helped lessen the pain of the contractions, which were starting to seem unbearable. I was in transition. With Jack, I was screaming at this point, I wanted the epidural, I wanted the pain to end. This time was different. I was silent except for the deep inhale and exhaling of my breath. I focused intently on getting through my contractions. In between them I rested, I laid my head on the side of the pool and let me body rest.  I was starting to get tired and this worried me a little. My labor with Jack was so long, and I didn't think I could get through 13 more hours at this level of pain. I should have known at this point that Henry was almost ready to make his entrance into the world, but for some reason, I was still in denial. Partly because while I was in unbearable pain, I was managing it well, but for some reason there was still some doubt in the back of my mind that I couldn't do it. Which was a lie, I could do this, my body was made to birth a child, I'm strong and I had prepared myself for this day since my traumatic birth of Jack. 

Then, it hit me. Henry was crowning. I wanted to say that, but I also felt like I had to go to the bathroom, so I didn't say anything. How embarrassing would that be? After the next contraction though, I knew for sure! Henry was crowning! My baby was almost here. I could feel him making his way down, and I could feel the most intense burning sensation I had ever felt, known as "the ring of fire". This motivated me to push, so push and push I did. For the first time during my labor, I let out a scream. A loud, high pitched "girl" scream. Thankfully Matt reminded me to be calm and to focus on my breathing. I was tempted to try and push Henry out as fast as I possibly could, but Regis and Crystalyn both reminded me to control my pushing, otherwise I would tear. I tried my best to control it, I wasn't sure if I was after that, but I tried, and within just a few minutes, little Henry was born. I was so relieved, my entire body felt like it could melt into the water. I couldn't believe I had done it. My sweet baby was born. There was no fear, there was no stress, he came into this world in a happy, peaceful way. 

Henry's birth was mellow and intimate. It was healing. The atmosphere of the room had a soothing ambiance. It was everything I could have asked for, for the birth of my son. 

From start of active labor, to the time of live birth was around 3 hours and 21 minutes. Henry weighed 7lbs 7oz and was 20 1/4 inches long. 

34 weeks pregnant.

Time has come and gone so quickly over these past 8 1/2 months. Baby Henry's arrival draws more and more near every day. This has been a very fun week of celebrating my pregnancy. On Sunday, the 7th, I had a henna tattoo done on my belly! After I had Jack, I stumbled across some pregnancy henna on pinterest and I thought it was so cool, and I decided then and there that I would do it for my next pregnancy. It turned out really pretty!

Not only did I get this henna done during this week, I did it just in time for maternity pictures! My good friend over at A.R.T. Photography did our pictures! Jack was over it pretty quickly, but Amanda always surprises me with the pictures she manages to get! Here is a sneak peek of one, I can't wait to see the rest!

I have 34 weeks down already. I can't believe there are only 6ish to go. On one hand, I can't wait for to meet little Henry, but at the same time, I'm getting a little nervous thinking about taking care of a toddler AND a newborn. I know it will all work out, and that I will adjust to a new normal, but I'm definitely a little nervous for the beginning of this next chapter we are starting.

30 weeks pregnant!

-How far along? 30 weeks! Only 10 left to go. Where has the time gone?
-Total weight gain/loss: I've gained 12lbs so far.
-Maternity clothes? Oh yes. I wear a lot of maxi skirts and yoga pants though ;)
-Stretch marks? Nope. (Not from this pregnancy, anyways.)
-Movement: all the time. I don't even have to do kick counts because he moves SO MUCH!
-Food cravings: Not a whole lot, although, over the last few days, I've really been wanting burgerville ice cream cones :)
-Anything making you queasy or sick: not really, I'm so glad to be passed this stage!
-Have you started to show yet? Oh yes! There's not really any hiding this belly any more!
-Gender: Boy!
-Labor Signs: nope :)
-Belly Button in or out? It's completely flat!
-Wedding rings on or off? On, and still a little loose.
-Mood swings?: yes, sorry Matt!
-Looking forward to: I've started seeing my midwife every two weeks, meeting with our Doula again, and our maternity pictures next month!

homemade granola.

I've been scouring the internet, trying to find easy healthy recipes for all kinds of snacks and meals. Some to make before Henry is born, and some that will just be easy to make with two little ones pulling on the legs of my pants. I had been wanting to try homemade granola bars for quite awhile, store bought bars all either have soy, or are way too expensive. Last night I was feeling adventurous, so I attempted to make granola bars for the first time! Unfortunately, it ended up not sticking together as well as I had hoped, because I used a lot less sweetener than the recipe had called for. Instead of granola bars, I was left with some tasty granola. It was really quick, easy, and delicious. I thought I would share my recipe here for others to try, I'll also link the recipe I based my granola off of. The original recipe sounded great, but I didn't have all of the ingredients, and my food processor recently broke, so I adapted my own version from this one:multiply delicous' homemade granola.  The great thing about granola is that it is extremely versatile, so feel free to add anything you want to the recipe. This was just stuff I had on hand, but you can add or omit anything you want!


















Ingredients:
2 cups of rolled oats.
1/4 cup raw pumpkin seeds
1/4 cup chia seeds
1/4 cup unsweetened shredded coconut
1/2 cup raw sliced almonds
1/4 cup bittersweet dairy/soy free cacao chips
1/3 cup raw almond butter
1ripe banana chopped  into small pieces (for added sweetness)
1/4 cup raw local honey
1/2 cup melted virgin coconut oil


Preheat oven to 325 degrees.  Line an 13x9-inch baking pan with parchment paper with edges coming over sides.  Set aside.


In a large mixing bowl (I used my kitchen aid) add all dry ingredients, then stir. Once all the dry ingredients are mixed together, add all of the wet ingredients and stir until its all evenly mixed together.

Once everything is all mixed together, dump into the baking pan, and press down mixture evenly. Bake for around 25 minutes for a chewy granola, and if you like it crunchy, I would bake for another 10 minutes. When the mixture comes out, it will be soft, but as it cools it will set and become harder. If you try the recipe, even if you change it quite a bit, let me know. I would love feed back and tips :)

22 weeks.

-How far along? 22 weeks
-Total weight gain/loss: I've gained around 5lbs.
-Maternity clothes? Still in regular clothes, doing the rubber band trick with my jeans... It's becoming very uncomfortable though!
-Stretch marks? Nope. (Not from this pregnancy, anyways.)
-Movement: he has started moving a lot!
-Food cravings: lemonade, and anything sweet!
 -Anything making you queasy or sick: the smell of eggs, and anything perfume-y.
-Have you started to show yet? Yes, but
you can't really tell if I'm wearing a sweatshirt.
 -Gender: Boy!
-Labor Signs: nope :)
-Belly Button in or out? It's almost completely flat.
-Wedding rings on or off? On.
-Mood swings?: yes, sorry Matt!
-Looking forward to: to buy some teeny tiny cloth diapers. :)

Half way there!

-How far along? 20 weeks
-Total weight gain/loss: I've gained around 3lbs.
-Maternity clothes? Still in regular clothes, doing the rubber band trick with my jeans... It's becoming very uncomfortable though!
-Stretch marks? Nope. (Not from this pregnancy, anyways.)
-Movement: Lots of little movements. Matt felt him move for the first time!
-Food cravings: lemonade, clementines, spicy chicken sandwiches and grilled peanut butter and banana sandwiches.
-Anything making you queasy or sick: the smell of eggs, and anything perfume-y.
-Have you started to show yet? Yes, but
you can't really tell if I'm wearing a sweatshirt :)
-Gender: Boy!
-Labor Signs: I have started getting Braxton Hicks almost daily, but I'm far from labor!
-Belly Button in or out? It's almost completely flat.
-Wedding rings on or off? On.
-Mood swings?: yes, sorry Matt!
-Looking forward to: getting to meet this sweet little guy!